Fate

Perhaps somethings are better left to fate.

Im beginning to question (yet again) if I really do know what I want. It's easy to say what I think I want. However if the time comes for me to put pen to paper, I really wonder if I'll be able to do so.

Life

I've come to the conclusion that living life can sometimes be like fighting a war. That only with intelligence and being able to make good use of it, would determine the difference between living life at the mercy of others, to that of having the power to create one's fate.

The greatest challenge of course, is whether one has the courage to take action when one is needed to do so.

Summer of 09

3rd year is over and I've survived the worst of it. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy and indeed my worries were not unfounded. I guess I do have to be extremely grateful for how everything has turned out. There were so many things that could have gone wrong, but thankfully we all came through this, together.

To all those who believed in me (even when I had started to give up in myself) and had brought me through the year, and especially to those who had worked behind the scenes (or so I suspect), thank you.

Radom Musings

And you wonder what it would be like if you took the different choice 3 years ago. It would have been so different. No double integration with dilute non linear equations, not caring about the memorising 1001 ways to remove pollutants from the atmosphere, no Navier Sokes equation with equations longer than the breath of my page. Only torts and contracts and of learned friends. It might also have prepared me better for the next phase of life ill be entering too.

In other news you are reminded of this eternal dilemma when you were called to mediate the session today. Its the age old question of whether or not to do the right thing, or doing what you feel is right. Its damn if you do and damn if you dont. Today was akward. The setting was wrong. It should have been a discussion and not a one-sided conversation but I guess everything only looks better on hindsight. Honestly, I do want to help, but its not easy when there's the danger of complacency setting in and events spreading out of control and having the shit hit the fan. And of cos knowing that doing the right thing isnt the popular option. You all should know what I mean. She isnt totally right too I must admit, but there really isnt any right answer isnt there? But... there must be a better way of dealing with this.

2nd Home

Such lovely weather and Im stuck in the library studying for the upcoming exams. 12 more weeks till everything is over but I guess its about time I did some serious studying. Its strange why I cant seem to study efficiently in my own room. The reason is probably due to the numerous distractions back home and the fact that if I skive in the library the whole world can see me facebook/play hex empire/monitor news updates/monitor the forex market etc., though I still do most of the above in the library (though not as frequent as I would have otherwise done so).

One of the things Im thankful for is the fact the library is still really quiet and not very packed yet. No monkeys running about trying to tell everybody about their day and get their friends to go out for a drink or something like that. I guess that's all going to change in the next few weeks when people start getting into study mode after they have taken a short break. Having the cafe in the library is also good as I dont have to worry about meals anymore. Such a pity they dont serve hor fun or nasi lamak though... Im not sure how long more I get really sick of the food there.

Saw this girl decked out in Burberry and pulling this trolley back with her around the library today. She spent 5 minutes looking for a place, spent a minute logging on to the computer in front of me, left for 15 minutes, and finally came back to log off and pull her trolley back away with her out of the library. Bah... some people have too much time in the world.

Musings

You sit down in a group of 6.

Again the whole cycle starts again. On the table, you see 7 sheets of paper. Instructions which would dictate how you spend most of your waking hours for the next 4 weeks. You look around and you see some faces. Some familiar. Some new. Everybody belongs here.

And so it starts.

Its a new challenge again. If you think carefully, it's actually like directing a play. You sit there in silence and analyze your actors. You wonder what goes through their minds. You sieve through their words and attempt to conceptualize their motivations, their aspirations as well as their fears. Are you able to do this accurately? If you are successful, you will create a baby that would be welcomed with standing ovations in the West End. If you dont. Well lets not think about that.

It began fine today. You pray hard it continues this way.

Its all about motivating the actors and making sure that you prepare for every contingency. Its all about ensuring that when the shit hits the fan, you, and you alone, are prepared to do whatever is necessary. After all, you have gone through that course. You have shown that when everything is taken away from you, you still have the mental strength to give one-hundred-percent and then some. Everything you do. You do for a reason. And at the end of the day, your only concern is that you meet the mission intent without suffering any causalities.

Life

You only start to count your blessings when you realise how fragile life can be. It took me nearly a whole month before your sister's messages made any sense to me.

My prayers are with you my friend. I really hope that the treatment will be successful and that you will be able to lead your normal life as quickly as possible.